TYRELL CORPORATION LLC ®

The Name You Can Trust

THE REAL MISSION STATEMENT:

Tyrell's mission is to dramatically raise the level of role play in scenario paintball by completely abandoning sanity and leaving no bad joke untold

 

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UPDATED 4/9/07

 

Invasion of Normandy 2007

 

Why is Tyrell in ION 2007?

 

We created the Tyrell Corporation as a living, breathing scenario character in itself. Tyrell will appear in different scenario games at different times throughout history with the same basic philosophy: make money. It is the ultimate caricature of all that is modern corporate practice. Tyrell is driven only by the bottom line and will use any means to increase profit. Think of evil Dilbert characters with semi-automatic weapons and tanks.

But why is it in the Invasion of Normandy? 

Two reasons:

1) To increase the role-playing opportunities for players and liven up the game.

2) To deliver props and keep them in circulation. (That is a polite way of saying we hump the Game Director's crap all over the field so you only have to drag it back to Central Command.)  Tyrell's job is to sell props to anyone with the cash..

What about historical accuracy?  Tyrell is from the future.  I saw it in Blade Runner.

Yeah, about that.  The Tyrell Corporation, LLC is our team name.  It's a little complicated and has to do with how we all got together in the first place.  Our full background story can be found by clicking on Tyrell Background.  It explains why we are Tyrell.  Forget the name.  This ain't Blade Runner.

Historical accuracy is an easier question to answer.   In World War II, and every other war for that matter, no single country has possessed all the raw materials or manufactured goods needed to sustain hostilities.  Germany was particularly short on petroleum and raw rubber.  British and American companies largely controlled the production of these materials.  British Colonial India had most of  world's raw rubber supply.  American and British companies held most of the world's known petroleum reserves either through domestic production (Texas and Oklahoma) or by contract with the producer countries (North Africa and Arabia).  If Germany was the enemy, how did they get rubber to seal the fuel tanks and petroleum to fill them?  They bought it of course.  Not directly from America or Britain, but through a "neutral" country or third party, corporate entity.

Why would you sell to your enemies? 

Because war is damn expensive.  The country providing the material gets the hard currency needed to buy or produce other items of war.  The buying country gets the raw materials it needs to produce more weapons.  It becomes kind of a symbiotic relationship in which both parties still try to actively kill each other, but they try not to let it affect business.  No, it does not necessarily make sense, but that is the way of the world.  The Romans continued trading with Persia through semi-condoned "smuggling" even while Crassus marched Rome to defeat in the Persian desert.  There is a good chance the saddle leather of the Persians came from Rome.  I'm not sure Crassus' soldiers appreciated the irony as Parthian arrows darkened the sky.  The basic point is that war is always good business for someone.   

Even when companies remain "loyal" to their home country, there is an almost overwhelming urge to make as much money as quickly as possible.  I mean, God forbid, peace might break out anytime!  Senator Harry Truman made his reputation with the "Truman Commission" going after war profiteers.  Mostly, Harry went after defense contractors who were being paid regardless of what kind of crap they delivered.  By some estimates, his efforts saved $15 billion.  Those are 1940s dollars by the way. 

Tyrell is an amalgam composed of those same war profiteering companies as well as their modern equivalents.  Think of every dishonest, shady corporate weasel you ever heard of and then picture us!  Our inspiration includes Enron, Haliburton, Worldcom, Adelphia Corporation, and a few less savory characters.  Special thanks to Nicholas Cage in Lord of War.

So why would you want to be such scum?

Well, it's always more fun to play the bad guy.  You get better lines and cooler theme music (cue Vader's theme). 

On a semi-serious note: because we need to make fun of the things we fear.  We also need to understand that no matter how much you fear or hate corporations, you need them.  All of us work for a corporation, with a corporation, or depend on their taxes for our livelihood.  Everyone.  Either you sell to them, buy from them, or someone who pays you does.  Remember the Romans and the Persians? 

So what is a person of good conscience to do? 

Make a joke.  Laugh.  Point out the absurdity of the situation.  We have people protesting against globalization carrying bullhorns made in China, wearing American Levis stitched in Third World sweatshops, running from the cops breaking up the demonstration in Nike sneakers made next to the Levi factory.  By the way, the police typically carry Glock or Sig pistols made in Europe and chase protesters in tactical boots made in Taiwan or China.  You absolutely cannot take this seriously. 

I still don't get it.

Don't worry about.  Just shoot the guy with the wrong color tape on his hopper and try to complete your assigned missions.  We would also appreciate it if you don't shoot us until after we complete the sale.  We need to book some serious revenue this quarter so my stock options will shoot up.  Have fun and keep playing.

Remember, it's just business...

See you at ION 2007!